The Hope that doesn't disappoint

These past 2 weeks have been the most difficult part of the adoption process so far. Since May, the momentum has been building as we have been pursuing a specific group of children and we were really hopeful that they might have been placed with us (we never got to the stage of meeting the children in person - a lot of people ask about that). However, we just got the news last week that the children's agency ended up choosing another couple to be their forever family. We knew all along that this could happen, since we weren't the only family being considered, yet I am still finding it pretty difficult. While it is so comforting to know that God is in control, even over this, and that CAS made the best choice for the children, I felt sad and disappointed when our worker delivered the news. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" and I certainly tasted a bit of that sickness of heart this week. I think that's normal too. It's impossible not to be sad when you have specific children in mind and are learning information about them for months and hoping that they will be yours and then find out that it won't happen. I guess in some ways this is sort of similar to a miscarriage, and I've really been feeling it since we got the news.

I read a guest post by Trillia Newbell on one of my favourite blogs this week (you can read the whole thing here if you want) where she writes about her struggle with getting pregnant and the subsequent pain of several miscarriages. I was planning to write a post about Proverbs 13:12 this week, and how I have sensed the Lord reminding me that He is my only lasting Hope, but then I read this and thought Trillia articulated beautifully what the Holy Spirit has been driving home in my heart through this loss. So here is a lengthy quote from Trillia's blog post (emphases in bold are mine):

"For once I got it. I understood what it felt like to have a sick heart with a hope deferred (Prov 13:12). I longed for a child. This desire wasn’t sinful. Children are a gift. But God was calling me to wait and endure various trials. He was teaching me patience, and I was learning how to trust him. God would eventually give me a beautiful son, followed by two more miscarriages, and then a daughter. Yet during the years of waiting and losing children, God was reminding me of my true hope.

There is a hope that is not deferred. There’s the hope of a man who came to seek and save the lost. He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with much grief. He was despised and crushed. He was pierced for our transgressions and iniquities (Isaiah 53). We have a great hope in Jesus Christ, the one who died, was raised, and is now at the right hand of God interceding for us all (Rom 8:35). And one day we will see our Hope face to face. I have the hope of an eternal everlasting home where neither moth nor rust destroy and where no more shall there be an infant who lives but a few days (Matt. 6:20; Isaiah 65:20).

God doesn’t promise a life of ease. So in my next trial I want to cling to Jesus. I cannot cling to the doctor’s diagnosis. I cannot cling to the assistance of medicine. I definitely cannot cling to my own understanding (Prov  3:5). He is my only hope. He is where my hope is built."

 As I've been thinking lots about hope this week, Romans 5:2-5 has kept coming back to me as well:

We have also obtained access through Him by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Jesus is the Hope that doesn't disappoint! The love of God has been poured out in my heart by the Holy Spirit, and it is ENOUGH. There is a Hope that is not deferred! I have an anchor that keeps my soul steadfast and sure while the billows roll. God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Ps 73) and He is always good.